Lettermanesque Top 10 Reasons Eric Holder Didn't Make the Rally...

Background here.

10.  "I got lost…everything is in a foreign language, you know."

9.   Croissants!

8.   The French are a nation of cowards.

7.  Who gives a fuck, no blacks got killed.

6.  I'm actually cool with jihadism.

5.  Joe Biden was driving.

4.  The French don't like me because a black man is in the White House.

3.  Do know how hard it is to a Diet Coke on ice in Paris?

2.  Republican obstructionism.

And the number #1 reason Eric Holder didn't make it to rally…

1.  Fuck work, this is my one last vacation at taxpayers' expense.