Thursday, January 05, 2006

How to Streamline the Oscars Ceremony

Oscar buzz is heating up with release of nominations for the numerous mini-Oscar/just tolerably self-aggrandizing awards that are given out prior to the actual, intolerably self-aggrandizing Oscars themselves. This year's coterie of beloved Hollywood themes will fare quite well:
Syriana - Big Oil is evil...OK, all corporations really; Munich - Hey man, terrorists are people too, and we're just as bad when we fight terrorists; Brokeback Mountain - Homosexuality is a divine state of being, and you're a friggin' homophobe pal!; Capote - a twofer.

So here's the suggestion...just make one movie and nominate it for everything. That way the award show would be over before the evening news. Just make the ultimate Oscar-worthy movie, maybe something about a gay Palestinian terrorist who exposes and fights corrupt, evil white males who engage in commerce and funnel illict profits to George Bush's creeping, nay galloping, fascistic Christian theocracy. The sound track could have Moby, the Dixie Chicks and Kanye West. Working in some animation might prove tricky though, but its doable.


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