Reply to the SOTU
Dear President Bush,
Thank you for remaining steadfast in your determination to achieve both the emminently practical objective of denying terrorists another foothold in the Middle East and the idealistic goal of establishing a society that enjoys freedom and democratic government in Iraq. Furthermore, I think it is fantastic that we are now out in the open about killing any Iranians that are messing up the pudding over there. 'Bout time if you ask me.
One thing you forgot to add to your sensible healthcare proposal is the creation of a federal market for health insurance, so that I can escape the horrendous New York state policies of guaranteed issue (same rates for heroin users as non-users!) and loony mandates (mandatory sex changes, wigs, and aroma therapy!).
Finally, this whole thing about oil. Forget it, Bub. I just bought an SUV - 14 MPG city, 20 highway. Don't care. Love it. Gonna drive it to North Carolina in March. Get some Bar-B-Que. I digress. It's beautiful. It weighs about 8000 lbs. and it can haul itself and another 1000 lbs consisting of me, the wife and kids, and all our stuff about 400 miles for about $45!! $45!! We don't even have to grow anything on acres of land that we don't even own. It runs on this sludge that they pull out of the ground!! It's amazing! It's this worthless gunk, but if you heat it and do stuff to it, it can actually propel 9000 lbs. farther in a few hours than most humans who have walked the Earth have ever travelled in their lives! And it doesn't even poop, leaving foul smelly, potentially infectious crap on the side of the road! That alone could save thousands of lives. If everybody could trade in their horses for something like my SUV, millions of people would live so much longer. Sure some people think it may be bad but they can't prove it, they just have these computer programs that think maybe it might be bad. Anyway, it is great, a wonderful achievement of human ingenuity - sludge from the ground made useful. Crazy. What will they think of next? Who knows? If guess if we knew, we'd all be doing it already. So we just have to wait to see what some genius somewhere gives us. So, bottom line...gonna keep on using the stuff. Sorry.
Best,
DB
Thank you for remaining steadfast in your determination to achieve both the emminently practical objective of denying terrorists another foothold in the Middle East and the idealistic goal of establishing a society that enjoys freedom and democratic government in Iraq. Furthermore, I think it is fantastic that we are now out in the open about killing any Iranians that are messing up the pudding over there. 'Bout time if you ask me.
One thing you forgot to add to your sensible healthcare proposal is the creation of a federal market for health insurance, so that I can escape the horrendous New York state policies of guaranteed issue (same rates for heroin users as non-users!) and loony mandates (mandatory sex changes, wigs, and aroma therapy!).
Finally, this whole thing about oil. Forget it, Bub. I just bought an SUV - 14 MPG city, 20 highway. Don't care. Love it. Gonna drive it to North Carolina in March. Get some Bar-B-Que. I digress. It's beautiful. It weighs about 8000 lbs. and it can haul itself and another 1000 lbs consisting of me, the wife and kids, and all our stuff about 400 miles for about $45!! $45!! We don't even have to grow anything on acres of land that we don't even own. It runs on this sludge that they pull out of the ground!! It's amazing! It's this worthless gunk, but if you heat it and do stuff to it, it can actually propel 9000 lbs. farther in a few hours than most humans who have walked the Earth have ever travelled in their lives! And it doesn't even poop, leaving foul smelly, potentially infectious crap on the side of the road! That alone could save thousands of lives. If everybody could trade in their horses for something like my SUV, millions of people would live so much longer. Sure some people think it may be bad but they can't prove it, they just have these computer programs that think maybe it might be bad. Anyway, it is great, a wonderful achievement of human ingenuity - sludge from the ground made useful. Crazy. What will they think of next? Who knows? If guess if we knew, we'd all be doing it already. So we just have to wait to see what some genius somewhere gives us. So, bottom line...gonna keep on using the stuff. Sorry.
Best,
DB
posted by Donny Baseball at 10:55 PM
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